The Weaving Inn

Home to the knitting world's anti-Finisher. Kind of like the anti-Christ, but with a smaller following.

Monday, December 31, 2007

My New Year's Resolution - Learn Spanish

Welcome to the latest installment of "April's Comedy Of Errors" starring April, her Hispanic neighbor and her Nissan Altima.

This afternoon I decided to venture out into the world to run a few errands, hit the mall, and possibly score some chocolate. As I approached my little car, I noticed it was tilting rather severely to one side. Yes loyal readers, flat tire #4 for this year had arrived.

As I was standing there surveying the scene and weighing my options (none) my neigbour walked up to get into his car. I'm not sure what his name is so let's call him Bill.

"Ooooh," said Bill.

"Oooh," said April.

"Dondez taco quero blahez blahez," asked Bill. At least that's what it sounded like he said.

"No hablo Espanol," I replied.

"Ooooh," said Bill.

"Oooh," said April.

Bill pointed to my trunk and said, "Bueno trunko dondez vero?" Or something like that. Hmm, I thought, maybe he's going to put my spare on for me. I pulled out the little clown tire and showed it to him.

"Si, si!" exclaimed Bill.

Then Bill leaned down on the clown tire which quickly turned into a clown pancake.

"Ooooh," said Bill.

"Shit," said April.

Bill promptly picked up the original flat tire and threw it into the back of his little Saturn.

"Arrivez burrito andale auto," announced Bill, pointing at me and then at his car.

Hmm, I thought, maybe Bill wants to take me and my tire for a ride. Indeed! Off we went to the car repair shop around the corner. Where it was determined that the tire was unfixable because a FREAKIN' 3 INCH NAIL WAS JAMMED INTO THE SIDEWALL.

Madre dios.

The mechanic suggested that Bill and I drive to Kragen's Auto Parts to purchase a tube for the tire, bring it back and they would stick it in my tire as a temporary fix. Off we went! Did I mention that Bill had no idea where Kragen's was? So there we were, Bill and I, careening down Bascom Avenue in San Jose on almost New Year's Eve with me screaming, "Turnez! Stopez!" while frantically waving my hands in the air.

A clerk finds me the tube I need and as I'm walking to the cash register, my wallet falls out of my purse and $3,568,932 in change spills out over the floor.

"Oooh," says Bill as he drops to his hands and knees to retrieve my coins.

"Fuck," says April.

The tube is paid for, Bill and I go back to his little Saturn only to be followed 30 seconds later by the clerk carrying my purse.

"Haha," laughs Bill.

"God help me," says April.

Back to the repair shop where we find out that the clerk has sold me the wrong tube. And of course it was the last one on the shelf.

"Perhaps you should go to Wheel Works and just buy a new one," suggests the mechanic.

"Do you speak Spanish?" I ask the mechanic. He nods.

"Could you tell my friend what we need to do next?"

"Can't you tell him?" asks the mechanic.

"No hablo Espanol," I answer.

"Oooh," says the mechanic.

Bill gets filled in on the next leg of our adventure and off we go again.

Bill. Not so good with the directions. We get to the stop light and he turns on his left turn signal.

"Straightez," I tell him.

"Straightez?" asks Bill. "Freeway?"

"NO! No freeway!"

"Turnez," smiles Bill.

The next ten minutes were spent navigating a subdivision filled with "No Access" and "No Through Road Signs."

We finally get to Wheel Works where I am offered the opportunity to fork over $89.00 for a new tire. Bill looks at me. I look at Bill.

"89 dinero," I tell him.

"Oooh," says Bill.

The tire is mounted and Bill carries it proudly back to his car. We return home and Bill finishes what he started 2 1/2 hours ago.

I give him $30.00, two bottles of wine and attempt to tell him to come see me Friday when I'll give him more dinero.

Feliz Ano Nuevo.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Time Off

The House Of Torture very kindly gave its loyal employees a few days off over the holiday season. PAID days off. As in "you do not need to use your vacation time" days off. As some of you can imagine, I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do with myself. Not go to work? Well where would I go then?

I thought to ask Andy or DeeDee for suggestions ...

But they were quite involved in a snuggle nap and didn't want to be bothered. Perhaps Wilma could tell me what to do.

Hmm. Do I really want advice from a cat that can't even keep her tongue in her mouth? So I went with the obvious. Bang out another pair of fingerless gloves.

Technically these are wristwarmers, as in A Little Twist Wristwarmers, the very finest wristwarmer pattern ever written. These fit like ... well ... a glove. I am so completely in love with this pattern I may ask it to marry me. The little cable pattern makes it fun to do and the thumb gusset rocks because you don't need to pick up any stitches. I have bribed people with handknit socks so they'll pick up stitches for me. Me no likey pickin' up stitches. But with this pattern I don't have to!

However, just so you didn't all die of boredom with all the fingerless gloving I cast on for a new sock yesterday. The yarn is Colinette's "Jitterbug" in Blue Parrot, the pattern is the fabulous New Year's Day Socks. How appropriate, eh? I'm really enjoying this pattern because other than in the ribbing, there is no PURLING. Hear that, trekster? NO PURLING! I hate purling even more than I hate picking up stitches!

Who says we don't know how to have a good time at Chez Insanity?!?

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Fingerless Frenzy

The current trend of knitting nothing but fingerless gloves continues nicely here at Chez Insanity. In fact, I may even have a few patterns committed to memory. I'm starting to feel like I'm on some kind of mission to use every yarn at Knitting Arts to make fingerless gloves. Yes, I even have a pattern that calls for just one skein of Koigu. Here we have Maine Morning Mitts Version 2.0.

These were knit in Cascade's "Cloud 9" which is 50% Merino, 50% Angora. Very soft, very pink. Since I only have two hands I gave these to Melissa, who is one of my co-workers at Knitting Arts. This was primarily to stop her from stealing my Malabrigo mitts.

So you may be thinking to yourself, well is there really a fingerless gloves problem? April has only shown us two pairs so far. That's not so bad ...

Ahem. From left to right, one Maine Morning Mitt in Manos de Uruguay, a pair of Fetching in Karabella Aurora, Melissa's Cloud 9 MMM's, a pair of Malabrigo MMM's and finally one A Little Twist Wristwarmer in Autunno. There will be a much better picture of the "A Little Twist Wristwarmer" when the second one is done. It's a fantastic pattern. I highly recommend it. And hey, I may not know much, but I know fingerless gloves.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas Comes To Knitting Arts

It's Christmas time at Knitting Arts! Actually it has been for a while, I'm just not doing so good with the regular blogging. You may have noticed. Anyhoo ... this past Saturday was "Midnight Madness" at the store in which we keep the doors open late to help our customers with their last minute knitting projects. And we feed them ...

Cookies, Belgian chocolates, hot mulled apple cider, all the things one needs for a successful evening of knitting. Although I was a *little* tired, it was still fun. Two of my favorite customers were there ...

And two of my craziest co-workers ...

And last, but certainly not least, the Elizabeth Zimmerman of Knitting Arts was there as well teaching customers how to make a Tunisian Crochet Scarf as well as a One Hour Chunky Ribbed Hat. All in all, a very wonderful evening.

Have a special "Whatever Holiday You May Celebrate" peeps!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

And All She Had ...

... after a full month of not blogging ... were a pair of fingerless mitts. How truly sad is that?

Pretty mitts but still, just a pair. These are the Maine Morning Mitts which are the most basic pair of fingerless mitts you could ever want. In fact, if I'd been more helpful, I would have posted the link about a month ago in time for people to bang out half a dozen pair before Christmas. Sigh.

Malabrigo in the colorway "Little Lovely" on size umm 6's? Why I'm drawing a blank on the needle size is a bit of a mystery since I've knit a second pair in Cloud 9 and a solitary mitt in Manos. I've also finished a pair of Fetching from Knitty, pictures sometime in the near future. It's basically all mitts, all the time at Chez Insanity.

In other news, I'm still working two jobs although I doubt you could qualify working at a yarn store as "a job." It's more like non-stop hysteria since we have the greatest bunch of customers in the world. Our store is more like a hang out or a clubhouse than a business establishment. It's sort of like "Cheers" without the alcohol.

Am I ready for Christmas? Well given that I have not a single soul to buy presents for, I haven't had to do much. I'm not so sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. So I may go all out and spoil the kitties. Catnip toys, new beds, woohoo, the party never stops. Perhaps I'll knit Andy an argyle vest. Really, the options are endless.