The Weaving Inn

Home to the knitting world's anti-Finisher. Kind of like the anti-Christ, but with a smaller following.

Monday, February 05, 2007

She Bangs

I have a new co-worker sitting on the other side of my cubicle wall. Don't ask me what her name is. I'm sure someone told me but I've since forgotten it. People in my department, particulary the file clerks, come and go with great regularity. She seems like a pleasant enough person except for one thing. She bangs. Not like in the Ricky Martin song. That might be half entertaining. No, this new co-worker o' mine is incapable of closing a drawer, a door or a file cabinet with anything less than a SLAM. This annoys me.

Yes, I'm quite aware that there are far worse things going on in the world today besides a bangin' co-worker. But right now I don't care. So I spent most of the afternoon sitting at my desk, planning her demise. If I was Jack Bauer I could just kill her, holler "Damnit, I'm running out of time!" and everything would be okey dokey. However, since she's only been working at The House Of Torture for two days this seemed a bit extreme.

Therefore, I went to Plan B - The Mature, Professional Approach. After all, I'm a 46 year old accountant. I am the definition of professional maturity.

Each time she slammed her drawer, I threw my head back and screamed, "BANG BANG BANG!"

Apparently Miss Whatever Her Name Is is also deaf. The bangin' continued. Tomorrow I may need to launch the Stapler Of Death.

Great Googly Moogly, it's the Forest Canopy Shoulder Shawl. The very tricky FCSS. There I was, knitting away tonight and thinking to myself, "Self, this may turn out to be my life's work because it sure takes a heck of a long time to knit across a row now that we're nearing the top." And then I knit some more. And after a while I thought to myself, "Self, I wonder if we're anywhere near the 195 stitches that signals THE END." And I shook my head and thought, "Nah, maybe if we're lucky we're at about 160." And I knit some more.

And then I thought, "Maybe we should just count 'em to make sure." 211 stitches. But of course. Why wouldn't I willingly knit oh, 8 rows of 195 or so stitches that I didn't need to? After all, I have no other projects that I'd like to work on, nor yarn to do so with.

Oh well, at least they're pretty stitches. Please excuse the wines bottles I used for blocking. I can assure you, they were not involved in the Great Overknit.


  • At 4:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I don't think there's a jury in the would who would convict you if you were to kill her!

    The shawl looks very nice; can't wait to see the whole thing.

  • At 4:44 AM, Blogger trek said…

    Great Overknit!!

  • At 7:03 AM, Blogger Valerie said…

    Well, I made my FC shawl longer on purpose, so you can always pretend, later, that that's what you did. I can't wait to see it all blocked out!!

  • At 4:22 PM, Blogger Sheepish Annie said…

    Sounds like you're feeling better...I laughed myself silly on this one. And will spend much of tomorrow yelling, "BANG!!!" This will perplex and eventually annoy many 6th grade students. And will be great fun for me...

  • At 5:30 PM, Anonymous Dave Daniels said…

    "Um, excuse me, whom-ever-the-phuck-you-are, but allow me to who you the grown up way to close a drawer. Here, like this. Put your hand on it, and with the gentlest touch, gently glide it closed. Here. Try it yourself."
    If that doesn't work, then SHOVE HER DAMNED ASS OUT OF HER FUCKING CHAIR! See how she likes it.


Post a Comment

<< Home